My uncle Jeff was one of the most achievement-oriented people you could ever meet. After being valedictorian of his high school, he went to Princeton, and later became a top neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins, one of the world’s leading hospitals for brain surgery. He was brilliant and had a steel trap memory, remembering small details about our interactions, decades later, which made him impossible to lie to — because he always knew when I was contradicting myself. But he was also fairly miserable. He never settled down with a family, and was all consumed with his work, putting in 80 hour weeks on the regular. And it cost him dearly — he died at age 50 of a heart attack, being dead by the time he hit the hospital treadmill he was jogging on. It was only after cleaning out his apartment, that we discovered so many of the bad lifestyle habits he’d taken up, that were likely related to some lack of fulfillment in his life. It feels cliche to even say that intelligent people are less happy — but there’s some truth to this, and not in ways that people typically assume. What does it mean and how can we all learn from it?
Why do smart people tend to be so sad and unhappy?
The unfortunate thing is that achievement and elevated income can generally help you in the realms of happiness (to an extent), and when combined with work ethic, ethical conduct, and empathy, intelligence can help you achieve both of these things. But something changes for many intelligent people, as they seemingly cross over into a realm of less satisfaction.
1. Overthinking
Much of this has to do with the nature of intelligence, which is described by neurobiologist, Dr. Joe Z. Tsien, “The ability to self-discover knowledge and patterns from a world full of uncertainties and infinite possibilities.” Moreover, the super intelligent person may actively wrestle with these uncertainties, and spot them more, which can be extra stimulating. The same capacity that gives a chess master the ability to see 20 moves into the future, can also allow them to see all the problems and potential disasters in everyday life. One can easily foresee how difficult this might be to live with each day.
2. Anxiety
Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Ruth Karpinski, of Pitzer College, led a study on the link between high intelligence and myriad psychological diseases and found consistent links to mood disorders, including depression and anxiety. Her study aligned with Dr. Joe Z Tsien, citing symptoms of “intellectual excitability”, meaning these people were likely to be in heightened states of stimuli in the psychomotor, sensory, intellectual, imaginational, and emotional domains. These things can inform a person’s likelihood for neurosis and social anxiety, which can, in the longer term, lead to more social isolation.
3. Social isolation
This perfectly describes what happened to my uncle Jeff. Despite all of his achievements, he had a deep fear of judgement by others, and didn’t have friends outside of work. He kept to himself, only leaving once or twice a year to visit family and, fortunately, us. But even for us regular folk, this should be instructive, and a reminder that we can’t go through life alone, or live in fear of our anxieties. Social isolation is significantly detrimental to our mental health.
4. Comparison
Per Professor at The University of Texas at Austin and author of, If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Happy?, Dr. Raj Raghunathan, one of the challenges is of comparisons. Humans have a drive for competence and mastery, which is then elevated with people who have these in spades. But they often find themselves disappointed as they continually compare themselves to others, and inevitably find flaws in their approach, and that there are those who are better in some fields. Worst of all, many of these talented people use ambiguous forms of comparison — things that don’t actually matter. For example, professors might compare how many awards they’ve won to another professor’s awards, or the total funds they’ve brought in through grants. These things aren’t good measures of someone’s ability as a professor.
5. High expectations
To be clear, this is a problem that anyone can face. For example, there are plenty of writers out there who are better than me. Anytime I’ve spent time comparing my draft to theirs published work, it just bums me out — so I focus on staying in my own lane. I try to celebrate my own progress, and the audiences I’ve helped.
High IQ and happiness: Tips for finding joy in everyday life
A study of 184 participants in the Journal of Personality found that pursuing hobbies and passions has an even more profound impact on happiness than achievement. It showed a 10% reduction in stress and anxiety, and an 8% increase in wellbeing. The study doesn’t propose that you should ditch your career for that baking hobby or woodworking side hustle, but merely posits that you benefit from these endeavors and should make time for them. Leverage that intellectual excitability for something positive. And if you’ve been reading my content for a bit now, you know I’ve long evangelized the value of hobbies — and it’s informed by very real experience. I’ve had friends and ex-girlfriends who were completely hobby-less, and they were just more bored in their free time, and ended up watching more TV.
1. Get a hobby you enjoy
Ideally, find something that is stimulating, and that can be done routinely every week, and that involves creation or developing a skill. The only reason I’m a writer is because I took this up as a hobby in my free time. My hope is that you can discover something I love as much as this craft. This means you are setting aside time that is completely unrelated to work and family, and getting your mind focused on something else that allows your flow state to develop, and for you to be fully immersed.
2. Avoid comparing yourself to others
Second, try to get away from the scarcity mindset, which is what invokes these constant comparisons with others. Yes, we evolved as a species in a world where there was uncertainty around food, land, safety, and water, so we can’t help but have a scarcity mindset to some extent. But this approach is proven to impede wellbeing and even cognition. Try to fact check yourself when you are panicking over whether you are good enough, or have done enough to feel safe and secure. Often, it is quite irrational. If you still struggle with this, I’d recommend you pursue cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a gold standard in dealing with these destructive thought processes.
3. Prioritize relationships
Lastly, prioritize your relationships. If you are someone who has trouble relating to others, or who is prone to more isolation due to that intellectual excitability, take time to find more peers. Sometimes, that hobby can align you with the exact people you need. Chess, for example, tends to attract bright people and is a sponge for that mental energy.
Focus on your core needs and enjoyment over external rewards
While many of us might not relate to geniuses (I don’t), perhaps many of us can understand the challenges of intellectual excitability. I’ve found that, no matter how good or bad I’ve done in life, many of the same problems still come back to haunt me — the same insecurities, the same anxieties, albeit in different forms — all find their way into my life to announce their presence. What has worked well for me is how I’ve chosen to cope with them, and adapt my lifestyle to diminish their presence. Regardless of my or your abilities, the rules for happiness still apply to us all. I’d remind you of the oft-hailed Self-Determination Theory, which states we are driven by the need for independence, mastery, and relatedness. Seek and preserve quality relationships in your life. Reach out to that friend you haven’t seen in months and invite them to coffee. Focus on achievement but not to the exclusion of everything else. Pursue that promotion or dream job, but don’t bank all of your hopes and dreams on achieving it, or that it will resolve all of your problems. And take time to enjoy things in life. Take up hobbies and pursue mastery in new crafts that will help you thrive. I love hearing people light up with passion as they talk about their latest projects and hobbies. That is intellectual excitability at its best.
